good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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