I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
