just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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