one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
