where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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