peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
