I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
