Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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