every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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