can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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