so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
