i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
