it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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