You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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