Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
