watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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