guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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