we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
