In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
