is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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