oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
