Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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