2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
