And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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