So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
