I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
