I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
