theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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