you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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