You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
