One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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