so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
