I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
