I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
