We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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