I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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