Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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