she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
