gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
