If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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