i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
