Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is my gift to your gina
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
