I love black thongs
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She told me I should be a condom model.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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