i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
