She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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