24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
