I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
