btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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