grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
