Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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