is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
