After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
