I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
