You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Non-Jews are for practice
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
