He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
