I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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