first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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