Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
