Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
