FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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