I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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