we have pet lesbian snakes
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
