i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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