took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
