sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
