my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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