Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
