You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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